Some words of kindness, comfort, and care for our lovely community. 🥰🤗
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Submissive Song Sunday
So I’ll hit the lights and you lock the doors. We ain’t leaving this room ’til we both feel more. Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes. They say love is pain, well darling, let’s hurt tonight.
– “Let’s Hurt Tonight,” OneRepublic
When I’m in writing mode, I have a carefully curated playlist I listen to. Nothing too energetic, nothing too beat-heavy, nothing too distracting. But every single song has some sexual electricity woven into it. It occurred to me that I could share some of my songs that get me into a positive frame of mind for writing and reinforce my submissive headspace. (Plus, I’d love to hear some of your suggestions in the comments!)
I’ve always enjoyed identifying supposedly “vanilla” songs and teasing out D/s subtext in the lyrics. Granted, I enjoy overt sexuality in songs, too. “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, anyone? 🥵 But the Submissive Song segment is all about the subtleties…and alliteration, evidently. It’s about finding the songs that resonate with our inner kinksters, even when this might not have been the songwriter’s original intention. For this week’s Submissive Song Sunday, I present to you “Let’s Hurt Tonight” by OneRepublic.
On the surface, it’s the story of a couple that’s struggling to communicate, struggling to connect. They’re exhausted, they’re upset, they’re defensive. The man proposes confronting their challenges by shutting themselves away from the rest of the world and breaking through the stalemate they’re in.
Buuuut, as I’m sure my fellow kinkyfolk will acknowledge after a quick scan of those lyrics above, there is something delectably D/s-charged about this exchange. It’s no longer just a plea to do the emotional heavy-lifting that has to occur; it’s an invitation to sink their teeth into the moment and share the catharsis of a pain session.
They say love is pain, well darling, let’s hurt tonight.
Yes, please…
Risk/Reward
I’ve been lucky enough in this life to have had some amazing, powerful, transcendental experiences.
I’ve published multiple novels…including one on the way! I’ve ridden a horse in the wee hours of the morning through the streets of the city. I’ve made love on a beach in the Caribbean. I’ve watched the sun rise from the summit of a volcano. I’ve skied through mountains with the pine air caressing my skin. I’ve fallen in love with every fiber of my being and have had my heart broken into millions of pieces—more than once. I’ve savored the sweet nectar of submission as it coursed through my veins.
It occurs to me that each and every one of these experiences involved a risk/reward calculus. And, on occasion, I’ve taken some pretty significant risks—some of which make me shake my head in disbelief when I think about them. I’ve placed myself in a few dangerous-as-hell situations, situations that would give Mr. Elise a twitchy palm just to hear of them. (Please don’t tell him!) 😉
But I’m fortunate enough to still be here to tell the tales and to revel in the woman I was, the woman I am, the woman I’m becoming. The rewards for such risks are self-evident.
And yes, sometimes you risk it all and your reward is pain.
And yes, sometimes that’s the reward you were seeking the whole time.
He Wraps Me in Silk
He wraps me in silk to complement my softness.
A softness that only He sees.
He wraps me in silk to remind me of my strength.
As He restrains my wrists to use my body.
He wraps me in silk to reinforce his dominance.
The fabric an extension of his hand around my throat.
He wraps me in silk to tell me I’m beautiful.
As He spanks me to tears to take away the pain.
A Little Love for the Lurkers
In Praise of Older Men
Throughout my adult life, I’ve always found myself attracted to older men. Sometimes older by a couple of years…and sometimes a couple of decades. While not always true, it’s generally been my experience that older men—especially more dominant men—are in possession of more knowledge, self-control, gravitas, patience, and perspective. And I can’t get enough of these qualities.
Mr. Elise is a bit older than yours truly. In fact, it’s one of the first things that attracted me to him. I was in a frenetic period in my life, and he provided balance, perspective, and care. He gave me the space to forge my own path while equipping me with structure and guidance. The attraction was irresistible.
Of course, it can be easy to over-romanticize our older gentlemen. After all, not every silver fox has a heart of gold. But for what it’s worth, I’d choose my older man again in a heartbeat.
Hot Button Words
Does any one else have a word that triggers their kink-dar? I’m talking about those normal yet sneaky, seductive words that form part of everyday conversations at work or with friends, and when somebody uses one…wow. You’re squirming in your seat, adjusting yourself under the table, and thinking all manner of lascivious thoughts.
You know the words I’m talking about, don’t you?
Okay, in the interest of pulling back the curtain a bit, I’ll go ahead and share one of mine with you… Training.
Seems harmless enough, right?
Well, maybe it was harmless until it entered my twisted little mind and burrowed its way into my submissive soul.
A Dom training a new submissive to give and receive pleasure, to perfect new positions, to adopt new practices, to come alive in the beauty of the gift that is their submission.
That same Dom training his submissive’s cute little ass to take his cock.
A submissive training their mind to be still in the face of challenges and to look to their Dominant for comfort and reassurance.
Is it getting warm in here?? 🥵
What are the words that ping your kink-dar? Please share in the comments, if you’re comfortable doing so – I’d love to weave these into a decidedly non-vanilla story for all of us to share!
Doms need TLC, too!
Following up on my piece on truthiness in erotica, I wanted to touch on the fallacy of the “Dom as cool, calm, collected, and in control at all times” notion.
As someone with (ahem) submissive leanings, I would love to believe that Doms inherently know all the right things to do, say, and share at any given moment. Of course they do, right??
For example, I sleep better at night without worrying about the things that Mr. Elise has placed outside of my control. But even he catches the occasional man cold or gets stressed about work. He’s human.
And the Doms in my novels)? They’re seasoned (and devilishly handsome) experts at tuning into the needs of the women in their lives. But even they struggle with their own anxieties and shortcomings—agoraphobia, PTSD, navigating loss, etc. They’re human…well, kinda sorta.
The point is that occasionally Doms, just like the subs that adore and serve them, need some TLC, grace, and special attention. As Mr. Elise often reminds me, “We take care of each other, just in different ways.”
So whether it’s a case of Domdrop, anxiety, frustration, stress, or something altogether different, it’s vital to find a way to tune into their needs, to meet them where they are, and to forge a path forward.
After all, they’re human.
Verisimilitudinous Kink
So, if you made it past the title and are now reading this, thank you for hanging in there! Despite what you might think, one of my kinks isn’t using big words…although I am an unabashedly hardcore sapiosexual. 😉
For those of you who don’t know and aren’t in the mood to waste a browser tab on looking it up (and I don’t blame you one bit), “verisimilitudinous” means having the appearance of being true or believable. It’s truthiness.
I won’t speak for other BDSM, D/s, fetish, and/or erotica authors here, but from my own experience, I find that I skirt a razor’s edge of verisimilitude every time I sit down to write.
I have to capture how the characters navigate their world, making sure that it’s sexy, yet focused enough to drive the plot.
I have to describe intense scenes of power exchange, Dominance and submission, unorthodox practices, and sexual delights and torments that, in some cases, don’t even exist while capturing the very real emotional struggles and growth that come with these exchanges.
I have to draw from personal experience, when possible, while also making sure to not share too much.
The best kind of kink, for my money, is the verisimilitudinous kind. The kind that gives you just enough reality to suspend disbelief on some of the more far-fetched fantasy. The kind that pulls you into its world and holds you captive with curiosity, desire, and longing for what the characters are experiencing. The kind that sinks its teeth into your core and doesn’t let go until it’s through with you.
But for those of us who write erotic fiction, verisimilitudinous kink can be a liability. Where does the fantasy end and reality begin? How can you reconcile the extreme practices of some of your characters within the bounds of safe, sane, and consensual?
And, most importantly, how to write this truth-y fiction without baring your soul to the entire world?
There Should Be No Should
I’ve written elsewhere about the notion of the word “should.” It’s an insidious little word that sneaks its way into conversations all too easily and to great detriment to all.
Are you sure you should do that?
Maybe you should try taking things slower/faster/a different way…
Even though this feels good, I shouldn’t want it, shouldn’t need it, shouldn’t crave it.
We’ve all said it; we’ve all heard it. And it never feels good. “Should” implies judgement of ourselves and others. Why bind ourselves to narrow, externally imposed constructs of what “should” be right, “should” be acceptable, “should” be pleasurable? (Unless, of course, being bound is what you like…) 😉
And specifically, within the context of the BDSM, D/s, and other power exchange communities—provided you’re engaged in safe, sane, consensual practices—there should be no should.
I encourage us all to critically examine* our use of the word “should” and adapt accordingly.
* You know, I really shouldn’t split an infinitive like that. 😉
(Here’s a link to the song I reference in the image above, in case you’d like to have a listen.)
Jaye Elise writes... 